When I began to consult as an ecologist
Said I to myself — said I
I'll work on a new and original twist
Said I to myself — said I
I'll never assume that a client with cash
Is a person with whom I never must clash
Because my new car is expensive and flash
Said I to myself — said I
Ere I survey at sunset I’ll always take care
Said I to myself — said I
Substandard equipment I never will bear
Said I to myself — said I
When a bat flutters past and I don’t know where from
I’ll not scribble notes with egregious aplomb
So that licensing work is certain to come
Said I to myself — said I
I won’t write reports that contort and confuse
Said I to myself — said I
Or use fifty words when just four I should choose
Said I to myself — said I
My recommendations shall be honest and true
Never used to assist my income to accrue
Even though my bank balance is making me blue
Said I to myself — said I
Though shag-nasty surveys may seem commonplace
Said I to myself — said I
I'd like to believe I've an honest face
Said I to myself — said I
I owe to myself and the bats my best work
Though the dodgier clients may offer me perks
That kind of behaviour’s the province of jerks
Said I to myself — said I
With profuse apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan, for
ripping off the Lord Chancellor’s song from “Iolanthe” and to all the
upstanding consultant ecologists who would never dream of such behaviour.
If Gilbert and Sullivan are new to you, they wrote a series of popular Victorian comic operettas which poked fun at the establishment, in this case the incredibly corrupt legal system of the 1800s (seriously – Victorian lawyers and judges made Boris Johnson look like an honest little angel). The Lord Chancellor's song
Keep up to date with the latest posts Facebook.com/Davidsbatblog
