The bat identification song (with apologies)

For everyone who has ever peered myopically through a hand-lens at a small, wriggling, angry bat by the light of a failing head-torch I bring you... the bat identification song.

To the tune of "My favourite things" from "The Sounds of Music".

All together now...

Ridges on noses and hairy wee calcars,
Pale furry bellies and separated ears,
Varied veination on Pipistrelle wings
These are a few of my bat ID things.

Lobes beyond calcars and mushroom-shaped tragus,
Bulbous bat willies and horseshoe-shaped faces,
Measured thumb length beside London Zoo rings, 
These are a few of my bat ID  things.

When I don’t know,
When I can’t tell,
When I’m feeling thick,
I simply remember these bat ID things,
And they usually do the trick.  

Digital callipers and Pesola scales,
Finger-end tragi and extended tails,
Pelage that’s golden-brown, chocolate or grey,
These make the bat ID blues go away.

Fur that is shaggy and ears that are lengthy,
Pinkish bare faces and feet that are hairy,
Losing the will to work out what it could be,
Maybe these things will be helpful to me.

When I’m fed up,
When I’m  unsure,
When it’s just not clear
And all I can do has simply gone flat,
I’ll declare that the wretched creature’s…  a bat!

With profuse apologies to Julie Andrews, to Rogers and Hammerstein and especially to you, if someone has just sung this to you!

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